ok, june 21

that weekend was such a fuck up, i will start ther, my current boyfriend and i broke up, i wrote about it in my book. here let me copy and paste what i wrote on it:
...Then it’s as if time stood still, everything slowed down, I was standing outside my own body as these words will be sealed in my memory. “It’s over” he said. I didn’t understand? I didn’t want to.
“Don’t say things you can’t take back” I pleaded.
“If I’m so different form everyone you have ever dated, then why do you treat me like shit!? Why!? Am I to kind? To caring, or compassionate!? Why the fuck do you treat me like shit!?...”
I didn’t hear all his reasons, or why he felt that way. I felt dead. I didn’t want to do anything but die, and this time stay dead like I should have. I saw myself fall to the floor, and say the water rinse over myself. I knew I had to get up. I tried to turn off my emotions, but I found they were already off. I felt numb, like it didn’t matter that I was being burned with the water, I didn’t care. I got up off the floor, turned off the water, got dressed at went to the promotion. The same things playing in my mind…over and over, 4ever and when it all falls apart by The Veronicas, Achilles saying ‘it’s over’, and how I should start living in the moment. The promotion was a blur, so was the rest of the night. I can’t remember much. I remember Joel was there. I am living in the moment. I remember walking home and meting someone. He had short hair, a mix of blond and brown. He had a wimpy little 4-pack, I remember that.Where was I now? I decided to start with things I knew. It was morning. Birds were outside the window. My window. Ok, so I now know I’m in my own room. That’s good, still wearing the same shirt and pants. Even better! Ok, time? What time is it? I looked for my phone; it was on the charger on the deep blue carpet....

yeahhhhh so that was part of the weekend. another was my mom getting sick, idk i was trying not 2 break down. so, that day i got wasted. yeahhh!
anyway...yeahhh
i dont rly feel lke talking now...
o wellllllllllll
lve ya'll
o btw we r back 2gether, and i cant be happyr